Monday, 5 August 2013

Long time, no see.

Is it acceptable for me to return to blogging after constantly promising that I'd devote more time to it but then not posting anything for 3 months? Unfortunately, life got in the way again.

I've generally kept this to myself since it started, but now seems like the perfect time to get it off my chest.
Year 12 has been the hardest year of my life. I am aware of how awfully stupid that may sound to the old and wise, who will be thinking "Wait until you go to University!" or "Wait until the tax man comes knocking!" or whatever, but honestly - I know. So shut up. Let me wallow in my self pity until the next obstacle comes along, thank you very much.

Not only were my AS exams a lot more difficult than I anticipated, I was under a lot of pressure to do well at school consistently, not burn myself at work [if you have ever worked in a kitchen when it is really busy, you will understand my pain] and have to cope with the deterioration of one of my closest family members. In March, my Nan was diagnosed with breast cancer. During the Easter holidays, she suddenly started experiencing pain - the most pain she had ever felt in her life - and was admitted to hospital. She stayed there for a few days and was then moved to the Marie Curie Hospice in Solihull, where she stayed until she passed away on 25th May. During this time I was also meant to be revising for my AS exams, which went extremely badly, despite everyone telling me that I'm overreacting about it all. Either way, I've just been extremely unlucky but it's something that I've lived it and I wouldn't take any of it back.

However, it's not all doom and gloom. Since then, things have improved quite dramatically. On 1st May, I was appointed as House Captain of Warwick House at school [What team? WARWICK! What team? WARWICK! Warwick! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!] and I have a lovely shiny badge that I wear on my YSL blazer with pride. As a House Captain I feel like I've already done so much to contribute to our school's community, including saying the word "community" about 5 times in one minute when improvising a congratulatory speech on the last day of school. We organised/ran two major school events after we returned from study leave in June: Sports Day and House Festival - only a Camphillian could ever understand how much fun House Festival is. Although it was stressful, and a few small organisational issues made things hard on the day, House Festival was a huge success and most definitely THE BEST ONE EVER.

I've found that coping with and adapting to change extremely challenging, mainly because everything that happened so fast this year, but also because I don't want things to change. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to face my future. It's a bit silly, seeing as it's inevitable, but I really just want to sit down, enjoy my hobby and drink iced tea forever. I'm also really indecisive and I am scared to change because I don't want to regret anything I do, although ironically, this has meant that I've barely done anything, which I regret.

I don't really know where this blog post is going now. I started off begging for forgiveness, then I filled in the gaps that have been left open since I accidentally abandoned fionasbugle and now I've confessed my fears about the inevitability of growing up.

This has been a filler post. I have 5 posts lined up which should hopefully be up over the next few days. I also have another project that I'd like to share with anyone who takes time out to read my confusing blog entries - you must either really like films or really love me, which is definitely what I'll be needing to help me make this project a success.


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