Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

I am an idiot.

For the first time in a long time, I have had a good day.

I have no idea why I was blessed with a good day, but I was. Until 5 minutes ago I had not been angry, or sad, and I talked a lot and I laughed and I smiled. These days are very rare for me. Spending more time with like-minded people put me in a good place and I got to be the person that I wanted to be for a while, knowing what I wanted to do and being inspired to get on with things - my EPQ project, this blog, etc.

I sat down at my desk, in a good mental place to finish writing one of the many posts that I have had in draft since August. This post was a masterpiece. It was a collection of my favourite "visual stunners". So, what did I do? I DELETED THE ENTIRE POST. I give up. I honestly just give up.

Posts on this blog will become more frequent in the coming weeks, when I stop crying about the blog I just deleted, since the "fans" have been begging to see another post.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Long time, no see.

Is it acceptable for me to return to blogging after constantly promising that I'd devote more time to it but then not posting anything for 3 months? Unfortunately, life got in the way again.

I've generally kept this to myself since it started, but now seems like the perfect time to get it off my chest.
Year 12 has been the hardest year of my life. I am aware of how awfully stupid that may sound to the old and wise, who will be thinking "Wait until you go to University!" or "Wait until the tax man comes knocking!" or whatever, but honestly - I know. So shut up. Let me wallow in my self pity until the next obstacle comes along, thank you very much.

Not only were my AS exams a lot more difficult than I anticipated, I was under a lot of pressure to do well at school consistently, not burn myself at work [if you have ever worked in a kitchen when it is really busy, you will understand my pain] and have to cope with the deterioration of one of my closest family members. In March, my Nan was diagnosed with breast cancer. During the Easter holidays, she suddenly started experiencing pain - the most pain she had ever felt in her life - and was admitted to hospital. She stayed there for a few days and was then moved to the Marie Curie Hospice in Solihull, where she stayed until she passed away on 25th May. During this time I was also meant to be revising for my AS exams, which went extremely badly, despite everyone telling me that I'm overreacting about it all. Either way, I've just been extremely unlucky but it's something that I've lived it and I wouldn't take any of it back.

However, it's not all doom and gloom. Since then, things have improved quite dramatically. On 1st May, I was appointed as House Captain of Warwick House at school [What team? WARWICK! What team? WARWICK! Warwick! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!] and I have a lovely shiny badge that I wear on my YSL blazer with pride. As a House Captain I feel like I've already done so much to contribute to our school's community, including saying the word "community" about 5 times in one minute when improvising a congratulatory speech on the last day of school. We organised/ran two major school events after we returned from study leave in June: Sports Day and House Festival - only a Camphillian could ever understand how much fun House Festival is. Although it was stressful, and a few small organisational issues made things hard on the day, House Festival was a huge success and most definitely THE BEST ONE EVER.

I've found that coping with and adapting to change extremely challenging, mainly because everything that happened so fast this year, but also because I don't want things to change. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to face my future. It's a bit silly, seeing as it's inevitable, but I really just want to sit down, enjoy my hobby and drink iced tea forever. I'm also really indecisive and I am scared to change because I don't want to regret anything I do, although ironically, this has meant that I've barely done anything, which I regret.

I don't really know where this blog post is going now. I started off begging for forgiveness, then I filled in the gaps that have been left open since I accidentally abandoned fionasbugle and now I've confessed my fears about the inevitability of growing up.

This has been a filler post. I have 5 posts lined up which should hopefully be up over the next few days. I also have another project that I'd like to share with anyone who takes time out to read my confusing blog entries - you must either really like films or really love me, which is definitely what I'll be needing to help me make this project a success.

Saturday, 4 May 2013

Live Below The Line 2013

So, as usual, this blog post comes with an introductory apology for my lack of posts. It's been a busy however-long-it's-been but now I do have things to share.

Some of you may be aware of the Enough Food IF Campaign - a campaign backed by over 150 charities to mark 2013 as the beginning of the end of world hunger. It's hard to believe that now, in 2013, world hunger is still a growing problem, with 1.2 billion people living below the poverty line, internationally defined as living on £1 a day or less. I probably spend more than that on my lunch alone. In a modern world full of 'we should be equal' and human rights, why is World Hunger still a thing?

Anyone can sign up and support the IF Campaign. Just google it and read about it. The campaign aims to tackle 4 problems: Aid, Land, Tax and transparency. To read about these, visit the website. Http://enoughfoodif.org/issues

This past week (29th April-3rd May) was the week of the Live Below The Line challenge. This meant living on £1 a day for 5 days to experience what it could possibly be like for someone living in extreme poverty. Of course, it's near impossible to know exactly what it's like. The £1 a day is just for food. We are still able to get the bus to school, drink clean water, come home and watch TV by the radiator; small things that one who lives in extreme poverty cannot do, and that most of us take for granted.

This week I lived on £1 a day for 5 days. For those of you who know me well, you are aware of how major this is. I am the daughter of a chef/waitress. Food has never been a problem for me, despite the current economic problems that have affected most in Britain today. I am a compulsive snacker, known for wolfing down everything and anything out of boredom. Effectively, I eat around 5 mini meals a day instead of the standard 3 square meals a day. This suits me well - I don't sit at the table with my family for dinner. I eat when I please and I fit my work around that. Upon discovering the IF Campaign on Twitter, I realised that this is a really bad thing. Perhaps it's unfair to be hard on myself, seeing as I've grown up to be this way, but in the grand scheme of things I just eat whatever I want and not what I need. I am guilty of greed.

This week I, and a few fellow classmates at college, did the challenge. I personally gave up meat for a week, something that shocked those closest to me. I have also lived without tea and coffee and crisps and brownies. Things that I deem necessary for my survival. I thought that the first day would be the hardest, seeing as I would have just thrown myself into a diet with fewer calories and nutrients etc. my diet mainly consisted of toast, egg and rice, with a baked potato as a treat on the last day. This was all very bland and unappetising, so I was generous with my seasoning to help me get through it all. I drank more water this week than I ever have in my life. I did lots of homework without a mug of black coffee by my side.

For most of the week, I coped really well, which I think surprised everyone, given my food history, but suddenly everything changed on the Friday. I came into school and ate my tiny everyday-value-apple as breakfast part i, as I had done every day. It suddenly wasn't enough. I had to wait two hours for breakfast part ii - 2 pieces of toast with spreadable cheese - and it was unbearable. My stomach ached, and I had to lie down or curl up into a ball to tame the pain. It even got to a point where I was lying down in the corner of my French class trying not to vocalise my pain - this made a very amusing anecdote, however, as my French teacher did not comment on the fact that I suddenly popped up out of nowhere halfway through to join in the lesson. I ate my toast and I thought I would be fine, until I walked up the millions of stairs up to my next lesson and the pain came back, along with a sudden wave of lethargy. I distracted myself with the fine potato I'd be eating at lunch while everyone else commented on how delirious I'd become in the space of a few hours. Lunch time came around and the microwaves in our common room had broken, so we ventured down to the food-tech room to cook our last Below The Line lunch. It didn't quite fill me up, so by the time I got to my physics lesson I was in absolute agony. I don't know why. But, I believe this to be what hunger feels like. I had planned to have a midnight feast to celebrate completing the challenge, but instead I made a roast pork meal for my family, ate my last ever Below The Line meal and went to bed at 6.30. I woke up later at 10.30 to post an early tweet of congratulations and relief, but managed to keep myself up until midnight to mark that the week was officially over. Since finishing the challenge, I've eaten an apple, an small orange and a piece of toast. The aching feeling inside has not yet gone away.

The challenge has taught me a lot. As clichéd as its sounds, I definitely appreciate food much more. I took care to cook everything properly and not be wasteful. I learned more about nutrition as people reassured me that it must be challenging because of the lack of x, y and z in my diet. I now appreciate my weekly shop at Tesco a lot more, because my budgeting and rationing was organised right down to the minute I'd be eating my snack apple and how much water I'd need to drink in each lesson to keep me sane.

Although the challenge is over, our fundraising does not end here. I am still looking for sponsors, and at school I will be organising a few small fundraising events such as a Come Dine Below The Line for the 6th Formers and a sweepstake with neat little prizes.

If you are interested in the cause then please consider sponsoring me for my efforts and checking out the IF Campaign and UNICEF websites for more information on how to get involved.

Sponsor me here: http://livebelowtheline.com/me/fionawild
IF Campaign:
http://enoughfoodif.org
UNICEF UK:
http://www.unicef.org.uk/enough-food-for-everyone-if/

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Apologies 2.0

{Bearing in mind that hardly anyone reads this any way so I'm only really apologising to Hannah, my number 1 fan and the person who has pressurised me into continuing with the blog posts (thanks for that, by the way, HanHan)...}

So, my Restless review is still hidden away in draft along with a review of Dancing on the Edge and a few of the BAFTA/Oscar nominated films that I planned to do as a BAFTA/Oscars special, which, as you can see, did not happen. I think I'll rewatch a few of them before posting them. I need to rewatch them as part of some extension work for History any way, so I get to watch some brilliant TV and get my work done while doing so - win win!

It turns out that all that time I spent "revising" instead of concentrating on the blog and my brilliant cinephile hobby was a waste, because I got a beautiful variation in my grades for the 3 exams that I sat. But, I've come to realise that I desperately need to start working super hard to get good grades so I can study History or History with Film Studies at University. Luckily, part of this 'working hard' lark is my EPQ which will be about films in some way. If anybody would like to help me decide just what to cover in my project that would be lovely.

The format of my next few posts is as follows: every few days I will be posting my top 3 from any genre you can think of [musicals, comedy, action, etc.] as well as my top 3 films for things like special effects and music or ... whatever. Sometimes I'll throw in mini-series because to me they are just a collection of films for TV. I'm not quite sure when the first one will go up, so it will be tonight or tomorrow.

One note before I finally click 'publish' {I've been writing this tiny post for two hours...} - I'm planning on starting a photo blog too, just to show off how awesome my life is. I'll post a link around here when it's up and running.

SO LONG, FAREWELL.

Sunday, 10 February 2013

Apologies

At Christmas time I was completely inspired to write and write and write. In fact, I had so many ideas saved into draft that I could have posted something every day until July. But then reality caught up with me. *queue violins*

January was a tough month for me. I hate to sound whiny, but EXAMS ARE POO. I had a whole THREE exams - [the fourth was cancelled due to bad weather and has been postponed until May, *cries*] - and I'm pretty sure that I've failed two of them due to lack of understanding/revision. I know that I'm very lazy and easily distracted but I couldn't answer any of the questions on my M1 paper. My friend (whose name rhymes with Looby) had five exams, and another had none. Everyone, bar the lucky sods with no exams, was stressing out for at least a few days and it's not a great atmosphere for blog-writing. During this period of darkness I drank a lot of tea and ate lots of ice cream and watched nearly all the films available on Sky on Demand.

To compensate the lack of reviews/opinions I started a "film 365" on my Tumblr blog "evadelect0rskaya", where I post a picture of a film that I've watched every day for a year. That's going relatively well, although I've fallen behind with film watching because of my current workload (and love of sleep). But hopefully all of that will change by the end of the month!

I have lots of films on my "to watch" list, and lots of things to say about recent things on the telly so this blog will be alive again. I have a campaign project that I will talk more about in a future blog post as it involves me making my first proper film with my friends, will be starting a video diary of my trip to America next week and will be gushing lots of relatively spoiler-free reviews on here regularly by March.

To check out my film 365 to see what I've been watching click here*.
The first of many reviews shall be posted later on tonight, and will probably be on "Restless".

*(Note that I have not posted comments of ratings out of 10 etc. on these posts because I am lazy in case I choose to review them later on )

Monday, 24 December 2012

New project!

Hello, reader, and Merry Christmas.

Over the past few weeks I've been on a little stressful roller coaster as I've had to balance a lot of things on my flimsy paper plate. Unfortunately, writing reviews fell off said plate, and I don't want this to carry on. I've been involved in a few small internet-y projects over the past few months that have been a bit of a disappointment, so I want to do something in which I don't have to rely on anyone else for a while, although I may need help along the way.

My idea is that once a week, I'll post a list of films that I've watched with mini reviews and pictures etc. alongside any reviews that I post. This will be done on Sundays/Mondays (ideally). I used to try and watch a film a day, but I've had so much work to do that it isn't possible any more, so I'll bung TV episodes and specials in the pot too, just to spice things up a bit. I'll be re-watching many things too, just because I enjoyed them so much.

It would be awfully nice if people would help me out by recommending films and series to watch, too!

That's all for now, I'll be posting my first one later on tonight!

{P.S. It doesn't feel like it's Christmas tomorrow, does it?}

Friday, 5 October 2012

Pilot

Good evening, all!

I'm at that age when you have to start thinking about what you want to do with your life, and honestly I'm not dealing with it very well. I assume that most people my age are in a similar situation to me and trust me, I sympathise. I really, really do. I'm at 6th Form college and I'm studying Maths and Further Maths, Physics, History and French. It's a varied mix, and when I tell my friends what I study their jaws drop because they either hate science or think that I'm crazy for studying French. I don't quite know what was going through my head when I chose these subjects. Perhaps the idea of being an engineer sounded promising and decided to glue itself to my brain, whilst my favourite subject, History clung insistently to my heart. And French? French is good. C'est chouette! C'est pas mal! I do enjoy it, even though I accent sounds German and I can never remember anything.

But 3 weeks into the first term and I am still hopelessly confused. I adore Physics but can't stand the lessons, Maths seems like effort, History is great and French is hard but the lessons are fabulous. I've started to regret not taking English, even though I know that certain topics within it would kill my brain cells slowly and painfully. And whenever I get home I'd rather get on with my hobby, watching films, than anything else. Which is why I am here!

On a whim I've decided to write a blog post for film reviews, reviews on TV series and episodes and give my opinion on anything that I find interesting. I just thought that it would be appropriate to do a pilot post first, so hopefully I'll be writing posts on a regular basis to keep me sane. I must say that despite the common idea that people who watch films all the time are unhealthy and/or lazy but I firmly disagree. I find it completely educational and I must be the only person on earth who can't snack while I watch films. I still go outside on occasion and I eat regularly and every once in a while I am prised away from the laptop or television to do my homework.

Without further ado, Fiona's Bugle!

((In case you don't understand the title, it's a clever use of The Daily Bugle from Spiderman.))